Few Days Later
Ok, missed a few days there. I'm doing this juice fast that has me wiped at the end of the day, and I've been pretty busy with chores and stuff right after work – cars, bank runs, grocery shopping, etc. Nothing too huge, but every effort takes it out of you when you're fasting. No excuse, though – I just need to get to my stuff earlier in the day.
There's a lot to do when you fast – the shopping, the cleaning of the fruits and veggies, the juicing, the cleanup. Just for enough juice to get you through a few days. It's a big operation, and not cheap. But it's my health. It's medicine. Every time I check out and see the bill, I tell myself – and it's true – this is my medicine. Rather than some prescription I'd have to pay for out-of-pocket, or something over the counter, or a supplement, or worse yet, some exorbitant medical bill, I'm spending that money on fruits, vegetables and herbs. And, when I'm busy during the week, fresh juices from the few places in down that do them. It's expensive, yes, but I could easily spend that money (or more) on booze, partying, eating out, etc. Stuff that once in a while is okay, but which has been way too common for me my adult life. All that money invested in my addictions, and some, but far too little, in my health. Or, toggling back-and-forth from health to addiction, back and forth.
You can't have it both ways.
Such a common phrase – and a true one – but I needed to hear it all the same. Because that's exactly what I've tried to do my whole adult life: have it both ways. Sure, things in moderation can work really well for some people – they have their cake and eat it, too. They party on the weekend and work hard, working out during the week. Fit, sexy, affluent people have a great hardcore workout then go out for a drink afterwards. There are people who can live like that. They earn their rewards – they don't cut out the good stuff, they just make themselves earn it. Well, I tried to live like that – it seemed like a healthy, enjoyable place to be – but it isn't working for me. At least not this life, or ever. Because I have a big hole I'm trying to climb out of – a huge health hole that I've been in my entire life. I don't want to be in it for the rest of my life. Plenty of stories of folks turning their lives around at 40 – I've been trying to, really, but never had the right approach. I think the biggest thing has been that I just haven't been willing to admit that I want it both ways. I want my cake and to eat it, too, but you can't compromise with your health – not physical, mental, or emotional.
I simply haven't been willing to give my health 100%. I have had spurts – sprints of effort that took all my being to complete, but never had the immediate return that it would have required to keep me going at such a pace. And it is ridiculous to expect an immediate return when you're dealing with such a backlog of issues. Even the last time I did a long juice fast (overall for 28 days, but the juice alone for 21 days) I came off of it a little too fast and I fairly quickly went back to some old habits, which landed me back in bed with multiple infections and praying to God to please help me, I'll do whatever it takes. Now food is the answer – in part, at least – I have to give up lots of things, especially on the food/drink part. Not just while fasting, but in the long term. This time I'll be much more conscientious coming out of my fast. I won't let myself fall back into my old habits, I will keep the momentum going strong in the positive direction, so I don't backslide. A continual cleanse, more-or-less, just in different degrees of intensity. After a while, having smoothies will be a real treat. Eating solid food will be a treat – raw food, all the same. I need to kick these food addictions NOW or I am fucked for life. I need this just as badly as an alcoholic needs his first 30 days sober. After this it will get easier, but I have to stick with it, day by day, day by day. One day at a time. Another true saying – just take it one day at a time.
The still undecided election (leaning heavily towards Biden) is much less of a deal when you work through your own demons – that's the upside. Plus, a glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice never tasted so damn good in your life. A glass of heaven's nectar. How lucky am I. A glass of power-up, like a character in a video game – it charges me up, gives me life. Another few hours of life to go about my day.
Ok, that's all for now. Just a little catch-up there. Time to go about my day. It's going to be another beautiful one – into the low-70's! I'll take this early-November weather ANY year. Thank you Jesus. Amen.